The Birth of our Baby Boy

It's hard to believe that Declan is 9 days old.  Wow!  Today we are excited to do his Newborn photos and Big Daddy Tree is finally able to make time (mentally and physically) to update the blog.

It all started Monday (Jan 30th) afternoon. Tara had not been feeling well on Friday or through the weekend.  We thought she had eaten some bad food (Olive Garden...blahurrgs) and she had epigastric pain along the entire top of her stomach.  After an appointment with our Midwives we headed to Center for Prenatal Development(CPD).  They were responsible for monitoring Tara's Gestational Diabetes (which she was able to completely manage with diet and exercise!).  Everything looked great at the ultra sound, plenty of amniotic fluid, fantastic heart beat and lot's of fetal movement.  He scored a perfect 8/8 on his Bio Physical Profile.  That was pretty much the last good news we would get.  My lovely bride's health wasn't looking good.  Our Midwife Melanie, had some concerns about her blood pressure and asked us to come back after our 3:00p.m. CPD appointment.  Upon our return, she was very sad to tell us that Tara was spilling protein into her urine.  She called their Medical Director (Dr. Leeman) and he wanted us to go to UNMH OB triage to draw labs stat.  Tara was 41weeks and 3 days.

We arrived at UNMH around 7:30 p.m.  We stopped quickly at the house to grab her insurance info, we still had no idea what was coming.  At UNM they got her hooked up to a monitor and blood pressure cuff right away. Our dear midwife Melanie was also there to provide us with support.  A glimmer of hope came when her blood pressures were all normal!  However, once the lab results  came back it was clear...she was getting very sick.  her platelet count had plummeted to 54K (normal is above 100K) and her liver enzymes were through the roof, above 270 at that point.  Normal levels are ~50.  She had developed HELLP Syndrome.

Dr. Leeman wanted her to give birth as soon as possible.  By 8:30 p.m. she was starting Magnesium (MAG) for seizure precautions.  Unfortunately, Mag is also a muscle relaxant.  By 9:00 p.m. they started her on Pitocin, a synthetic form of Oxytocin (this is the natural hormone that is released by the body to help with contractions throughout labor).  Pitocin or PIT is MUCH MUCH stronger than the body's oxytocin. And there's the rub: they are filling her entire body with a powerful muscle relaxant (for seizures) and simultaneously pumping into her a super contraction inducing synthetic hormone.  They work against each other.  Because her platelet counts had dropped further to 24K she could not have an epidural (which we were ready to embrace).  In fact, she couldn't have any pain meds that didn't have massive diminishing returns.  The night had just begun and we were both walking the line of total defeat.  We had two saving graces: 1.) Tara is the strongest person I have ever met and 2.) Our Blissborn Teacher Laura Wood, was with us the entire night.  

I texted Laura as we were going into the hospital. We had planned on her coming to the house that evening to help kick start labor with hypnosis.  Over the course of our time spent with her, we have developed a deep bond.  It was almost like we had been friends our whole lives.  She texted back, gave me some advice and said to keep her updated.  She had a class to teach and would contact us later.


Laura was with us by 9:00 p.m. and Tara labored from 9:00p.m. to 11:00 a.m. with ever increasing doses of PIT.  They started her at .22 and in the last stages, she was up to .38 (that is the last dose I remember seeing).  I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my wanderings on this Earth.  Laura and Tara worked together in perfect harmony.  The melodies of Blissborn soothed her body.  Tara labored so beautifully that, frankly, the hospital staff didn't know what to do with us.  They had never seen someone labor as Tara was.  They quickly learned that if they needed to talk or interrupt her, they would have to speak with me first.  They also learned that I would not tolerate inconsiderate talking in the room.  If they needed to speak about Tara, I asked them (I was on edge, so I was a bit more forceful than normal) to leave or step into the hallway.  My role became to create the space that Tara and Laura needed to succeed.

Tara quickly became the talk of the unit.  I had never loved her more than I did while she was laboring.   Despite the contractions registering off the chart, coming in waves with little rest between, she breathed through them all...she labored through the night .  Laura was an angel, she wove an intricate web of hypnosis and took Tara to such a deep level that her contractions were...normalized.  She distanced my lovely bride from the pain.  Despite their intensity and frequency, she kept Tara in such a deep state of relaxation that her body and mind were focused on Birthing Declan and nothing more.  Tara's labor was beautiful.  She went through the night, starting at 3cm all the way through to 9+.  Her strength, beauty and determination never left her.

This is what Laura posted on Tara's Facebook the following day:

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I was fortunate to witness something profound last night. A mother so dedicated to creating her peaceful birth that she worked harder and dug deeper than anyone thought possible. A father and husband so dedicated to his family that he focused and guided his wife with power and grace, protected her fiercely, and connected profoundly with the energy of his son's birth. Hour after hour, they worked together in a primal dance, through exhaustion, through the lost dreams of how they had hoped their birth would go. They created a powerful space and amazed everyone around them. She endured more than 14.5 hours of ever-increasing doses of Pitocin, without a drop of pain medication. In the end, their baby boy was born by cesarean in one of those situations where we feel so grateful for the miracles of modern technology. The baby is doing well and she's recovering, and they are both healthy and strong.

I once heard someone say that only birthing mothers and soldiers in war know the depths of their strength. Witnessing that battle last night, I am struck once again to my core by the understanding that knowing your strength is something worth fighting for. Even though their path was different than they hoped, the journey was epic and powerful, and they arrived at their destination knowing more about each other and themselves, and what they are willing to do for their child. And that is a wonderful way to become a parent.

I am so honored to be a part of this world, where miracles happen in plain sight and heroes walk among us with no medals except the golden title of Mommy, and Daddy. Tara and Jonathan, you do honor to those names.

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When the sun started to come up we were all exhausted.  I was on counter pressure and pain control with massage for the night. I never left her side.   Tara was shocked to see the sun rise, a true testament to Laura's skill with hypnosis and Blissborn.  The room was at 59 degrees but Tara, Laura and I were constantly sweating.  Tara's Mom and Little Sister were in the room for much of the night.  They sat quietly and supported by getting water or ice cloths to cool Tara's burning skin (another side effect of MAG).

Dr. Leeman came back to the hospital around 6:00 a.m.  Tara had progressed well throughout the night and he was very supportive.  In fact he was wonderful.

It was time for the final stages. Tara had dilated to 9+ cm.  Our new nurse was great:  Staci.  She got the bed setup and we got the birth bar out.  Tara needed to push her baby boy out.  We tried for over 2 hours.  Tara tried everything.  All sorts of positions, resting, breathing... we just couldn't get Declan below a -1 station. In fact, the way his head was positioned made it difficult for him to progress into the birth canal.  Tara had lost a tremendous amount of blood throughout the night.  Her color was gone, she hadn't eaten any real food since Friday and her platelets were down to 22k.  It was more dangerous from the start for her to have a C-Section, which is why we tried with all our hearts and souls to make it happen otherwise. 

When we finally made the call, Tara and I were well at peace with our efforts and the path we were on.  Tara went in for the C-Section at 11:00 a.m.  She had to have General Anesthesia because of her low platelets.  This also meant I was not able to be with her.  Even with a transfusion of platelets she lost over a liter of blood.  Add that to the every 4 hour lab draws and the blood she lost on the birthing table... oi.

Declan was born at 11:48 a.m. and they had him in my arms by 11:59.  When Tara came out, Staci (our amazing day nurse) got him latched within a few minutes.  He has since been a champ at breast feeding ever since!

I encourage all of you to create and embrace your own wonderful birth story.  Ours was our own path and we couldn't have asked for better care.  I encourage you to check out http://www.blissbornonline.com/.  It is an amazing set of tools.  I have witnessed the power of this program and it has my wholehearted recommendation.

To our sweet baby boy:
There were many heroes with you on the day you were born.  The brightest of all was your Mother.  She labored with such grace and poise and beauty.  She sought you out gently and created a safe place for you to grow.  She took amazing care of her body while you called it home and prepared our home for you with such tenderness and care.  She loves you more than you will ever know.  Because of her, you were born.  You are perfect and sweet and healthy.  As your Father, I could not have asked for more.